Eminem
Eminem (Flowsasaurus albinocerus) is a rare albino rapper of the Caucasian race, caught unexpectedly in 1999. His platinum blonde plumage, puzzling behavior and haunting call have fascinated onlookers for several years, gaining Eminem publicity and notoriety. Biography Birth Eminem was born Marshall Bruce Mathers III on October 17th, 1972, in a science facility in Saint Joseph, Missouri. Upon the discover of the obnoxious Caucasian male Tom Sawyer, lab technicians and geneticists thought it was reasonably valid to construct a human being with equivalent traits. On August 18th, 1972, the experimentation received approval from Richard Nixon and the United States government. Furthermore, the project known as Project: Eminem began development immediately after endorsement. Medical participant Deborah R. (Nelson) Mathers-Briggs would be the subject in the experiment, giving birth to make the analysis a successful endeavor. And so, on October 17th, 1972, Deborah's amniotic sac broke, signaling the rise of Project: Eminem. That day, Richard Nixon and high United States officials attended to see if the money invested in the project would not go to waste. However, Deborah had not been following her original orders, and she had been on drugs during her pregnancy. Instead of being the seed of Tom Sawyer, Eminem was the seed of Deborah. Richard, livid and enraged, immediately proclaimed the projects failure and the money invested a waste. He then ordered the deaths of all the scientists, each and one of them taking a bullet to the head, while Richard watched, smoking a $1.50 worth cigarette. Richard and the government let Deborah and her newborn baby live, before driving away in his luxurious limousine. Deborah's suspected lover, Marshall Mathers II, was also a scientist at the facility. Deborah named her baby Marshall Bruce Mathers III, after his deceased father. Teenage years By the age of 12, Mathers and his mother had moved between various cities and towns in Missouri (including Savannah and Kansas City) before they settled in Warren, Michigan, and in Mathers' teenage years, Detroit. As a rare albino specimen, it was hard to socialize with other kids in school. Ronald "Ronnie" Nelson, Marshall's maternal uncle who was only two months older than, introduced him to hip hop at the age of 11, and because of his action, he was assassinated by the United States government in 1991, who refused to let their money invested project turn into an African American. They have since covered his death, calling it "suicide". Ronnie was mentioned in the songs "Stan" and "Cleanin' Out My Closet". However, the United States could not prevent Marshall's destiny. After obtaining a copy of the Beastie Boys album Licensed to Ill as a teenager, Mathers became interested in music, performing amateur raps at age 14 under the pseudonym "M&M" and joining the group called "Bassmint Productions" and released their second EP, Steppin' Onto The Scene. Eminem had remained a minor rapper for years, until 1999. It was during these years Marshall tried to commit suicide, but ended up pussing out. Instead, he sold his soul to Satan on EBay, as revealed on "My Darling". 1999 shooting With no other option left, the government had to consider there only scheme left. Kill Eminem. U.S. officials threatened rapper Champtown, Eminem's former mentor (who he previously had a fall out with), to kill Eminem. In St. Clair Shores, Macomb County, Michigan, Marshall had been working a minimum-wage job of cooking and dishwashing at the restaurant Gilbert's Lodge. That day, Marshall was approached by a tall man heavily resembling a modern-day pedophile. Upon ordering a Big Mac, Marshall turned his back, only to be shot by a Nagant M1895 in his right shoulder, left shoulder, his palm, his crotch, and two in his rib. The last bullet grazed Marshall's head, knocking him unconscious. Champtown then fled the scene. Marshall was rushed to the nearest hospital by the paramedics, with the ambulance narrowly missing 13 pedestrians. Dr. Andre Young, also known as Dr. Dre, treated Marshall's wounds immediately, and it was there where Dre discovered Marshall's talent. Dr. Dre was to be fired from Interscope Records however, after he got out of his coma, Marshall saved his career, and in return, Marshall got signed. The Slim Shady LP Eminem was becoming a rising badass, and all rising badasses have to fully their destiny as a rising badass. Eminem released his first major studio album, The Slim Shady LP. Every track on the album was heavily aimed towards rapper Champtown, in retaliation for the shooting. Even his track "My Name Is" contained shots at Champtown, saying "Walked in the strip club, had my jacket zipped up; flashed the bartender then stuck my dick in the tip cup" referring to Champtown's first experience at Chuck E. Cheese, in which he recalled, "All the kids just looked so beautiful", with the strip club representing Chuck E. Cheese and the tip cup representing the young 5-year-old playing pinball. These shots were so deadly they killed Champtown and his career, and Eminem immediately felt proudly arrogant at Champtown's funeral. Controversy Since Eminem's abnormal psyche seems to relate to a lot of gay related situations, the album received some negative controversy. Bill Clinton of the Executive branch of the federal government, made an attempt to ban the album. However, when the African American community of major cities in the United States found out that Dr. Dre of N.W.A endorsed Eminem, they refused to let his act go to waste, only out of respect for Dre. The government, realizing that they were outnumbered, did not want to go back to the Martin Luther King Jr. era, and have to spray numerous African Americans with a water hose again, or have to lock up a bunch of foul Africans in one jail cell. Instead, the government let the album slide and put a hit on Dr. Dre. Category:Rappers Category:Government projects